Posted in Inspired By Life, My Thoughts

Escaping from Self-Doubt

realise your abilities

In this world where failures are a common occurrence, many of us who are not particularly good at completing the tasks given to us tend to feel a sense of inferiority. Especially when surrounded by gifted and talented individuals who complete them easily.

We feel like we are trapped in a dark room and lack the spark in us to enable us to see.

We cannot see a bright future ahead of us.

As we go to school to learn more about our native language, science and humanities, we focus so much on just studying for the sake of getting good grades that we fail to realise what is important to us. What we truly want to do… What could light the spark in us and make us passionately work hard to achieve something.

We are wandering aimlessly in the dark, not knowing where we are headed. Going to school, studying and heading back home. Routinely and seemingly purposeful… yet they are nothing but empty actions. Simply going through the motions. Actions that prove we are doing nothing but walking in circles. Never progressing, never finding something to erase our self-doubt and lack of self-worth. Repeating the same failures over and over again because we do not put our heart into any of the work we do. All due to the fact that we cannot see ourselves achieving success no matter how hard we work.

We do not believe in ourselves at all.

We believe that we lack the ability to do anything.

We fail to realise that what they teach in school is not the limit to what you could be learning. Just because the things physically close to you do not interest you at all, does not mean that nothing in this world interests you. You need to realise the resources you have at your disposal to discover what you want to do. What interests you to the point that you would be willing to give all your heart and soul to ensure you can do it well.

Sometimes, we are simply too caught up in what we cannot do that it blinds us from the fact that we have the ability to do something else.

– K.A.L.T


I always doubted myself. As I studied hard and others played around, the results would seem to “prove” otherwise. I never did very well in examinations and was frustrated. I couldn’t figure out the reason why. After a while, I simply stopped expecting to get any decent results. I simply went through the motions of studying and accepted the fact that I was inferior to those around me. My life was routine and empty, eventually, feelings faded and I did not get so bothered by the fact that I was doing worse than others despite the amount of time I invested in studying. I lived an empty life through Junior College and believed that nothing interests me and that I could achieve nothing. However, 9 months into national service and free time during weekends, I discovered things I enjoy doing thanks to the power of the Internet. Things, I feel that I would be willing to learn and likely get the hang of if I try hard enough. Thus, I decided to write this post. 🙂

Comment your thoughts below. ^^

Posted in Inspired By Anime, My Thoughts

Forming Relationships With Lies

As we go through life, we are bound to lie.

Be it for the sake of ourselves, or for the sake of others.

While the importance of integrity and honesty is largely emphasised globally, it mainly refers to refraining from trying to get away with breaking the rules set in place by whatever system they are in. However, the lies I will be focusing on in this post are not those “big” lies that will get one in trouble, but the “small” lies we tell those around us on a day to day basis. Be it to keep a secret, or to not hurt those close to us.

Interactions with others are inevitable for us. To be able to communicate with those around us is essential for us to survive in this society. Thus, many of us often tell small lies to get close to others or hide truths to prevent others from coming to despise us. We try to hide whatever weaknesses we have and do our best to prevent them from realising how weak we actually are. We tell them we are fine doing certain things, and sometimes exaggerate the amount of effort we have put into something. All to prevent others from worrying about us. To prevent others from thinking less of us. To prevent others from thinking we are hopeless, useless and unnecessary in their lives. We want to be accepted, thus, sometimes we even feign interest in things we could not care less about.

All of this results in superficial relationships which are easily formed. However, they can be just as easily broken. As the small lies accumulate, it turns into one big lie. A lie you have to live by…

A lie… of who you are.

lies

However, there is a possibility of the lies of yourself turning into the truth. Just like a mask that has been kept on for too long and cannot be removed. For example, you may start to take interest in things you never found interesting before. As a result, you can actually passionately discuss something with them without faking it. Perhaps you may even be able to overcome your weaknesses and improve yourself for the sake of being able to stay close with those you treasure.

Of course, if the image you have created remains as nothing more than a lie, there is also the possibility of your friends becoming suspicious of your small lies that have accumulated into something that is not that believable. They may come to question you. Question your lies and force you to expose your true self.

Upon realising who you really are, there are two main possibilities. They may completely reject you and despise you for tricking them or they may be accepting and understanding of who you are. If they are accepting of who you are, they would make you feel stupid from hiding your weaknesses from them. They would even make you feel guilty for not trusting them to help you work on your weaknesses and improve yourself together. Also, for not trusting them to be able to take your criticism of them to help them improve themselves.

In the end, you never know where your small lies may lead you. They may accumulate and turn into a big lie that overwhelms you, or a big lie that engulfs you and becomes the truth.

They may create a better reality for you or prevent you from obtaining the happiness of having someone truly understand and accept you for who you are.

– K.A.L.T


This post was mainly inspired by Natsume: The Book of Friends. In the anime, Natsume Takahashi always has fun with his friends in school while hiding the fact that he could see Youkai (ghosts/monsters) that normal people cannot see. He did it all to prevent his friends and foster parents from worrying about something they could do nothing about. At the same time, to prevent them from thinking of him as weird, like the children and adults did in the past when he told them the truth… which led him to isolation in the past. It made me wonder whether he was truly happy with the friends he made. Whether the friends he made were genuine. Especially since one of the Ayakashi stated that “Natsume smiles and laughs a lot, but it does not seem genuine”. Thus, I decided to make this post. A post on what are the possible effects lying could have on relationships.


If you create a fake image of yourself through lies to others to get others to want to get to know you better, would they be more accepting when they find out your true nature?

Comment your thoughts below. 🙂


If you know Japanese and do not need subtitles, you can get the first and second season of Natsume’s Book of friends from CDJapan by clicking on the link below. Of course, they have later seasons as well if you are interested. ^^

If you want one with English subtitles, simply click here.

Posted in Blog Response

Blog Response: We’re so Lucky…

We have no need to go out; the whole world ‘s on our phones

We have no need of imagination; in front of the television

We have no need to learn; Google has knowledge in spades

We have no need to cook; additives, a microwave, meals done

We have no need to walk; transportation abounds, belching fumes

We have no need to talk; texts, email, whats up? Constant chatter

We have no need to fight; one bomb, one will, mass destruction

We have no need of anything; life at the press of a button

We’re so lucky……………….aren’t we?

– Lisa

Just as Lisa’s poem states, advancements in technology has made many things redundant in our lives. There is no need to do a lot of the things that had to be done in the past.

However, while many people may use this as an excuse to not do anything, I feel that there is still much to be done despite all the things technology makes possible within the confines of our rooms.

“We have no need to go out; the whole world ‘s on our phones”

Yet the view of the world first-hand cannot be compared to the view through a screen. Breathing the air of nature and seeing the breathtaking scenery in person cannot be compared to simply staring at online photos. For example, the pictures I took while visiting Joshua Tree National Park and Red Rock Canyon cannot be compared to what it felt like to be there in person. Especially for someone who does not get to see such a wide landscape without buildings in sight on a regular basis.

 

“We have no need of imagination; in front of the television”

Entertainment mediums such as TV shows, books and other platforms show us creative and imaginative worlds. However, all stories come to an end. Sometimes it is up to us to think of what the future of the story could be. Have you ever truly been satisfied by the ending of your favourite series? Or did you wish it continued on for much longer? Many of us want to see more of the characters we have grown attached to and thus, fanfictions are created. Without imagination, one cannot expand on the world he has invested so much time in once the author ends it.

“We have no need to learn; Google has knowledge in spades”

Knowledge may be easily accessible on the Internet, but there are still many things we need to learn to develop skills we can apply in our daily lives. In fact, Google is more of a helpful platform which we can utilise to learn new things. Or more accurately, the Internet. When we do not know how to do something, we can Google it. We will likely find answers relevant to our questions and can learn more about what we want. For example, since I applied for SMU Information Systems Course, I decided I wanted to make use of my free time during my mandatory two years of national service to study some programming languages. With a simple Google search, I found an effective online learning platform called Udemy that has a myriad of online courses. Including JavaScript and Python courses relevant to my future studies as well.

“We have no need to cook; additives, a microwave, meals done”

While there are faster and easier ways to cook food than before, none are nearly as nutritious or healthy as a properly balanced home-cooked meal. At the same time, if you just try to learn to cook, you may feel that it is quite relaxing and rewarding. Especially if you have the knack for it.

“We have no need to walk; transportation abounds, belching fumes”

We may not need to walk, however, walking allows us to exercise and relax at the same time. Especially if we decide to take a walk in the park, where there are no nearby roads with vehicles releasing excessive volumes of fumes. In fact, many people who dabble in the creative arts take walks in parks to unwind when they are facing creative blocks.

“We have no need to talk; texts, email, whats up? Constant chatter”

Most of our conversations are now online, but only when we are physically apart. One would not trade talking to someone in person with talking online if they are not the type who is too shy to communicate with others face-to-face. Some things can only be conveyed face-to-face. Sarcastic jokes and emotional facial expressions are two examples of things that are harder to sense or impossible to witness if conversations are only held in online chat groups. With advancements in communication technology, we simply increase our opportunities to interact with those around us.

“We have no need to fight; one bomb, one will, mass destruction”

This would be true if all a country wanted to do is destroy all opposing countries. However, I believe that most countries invade or attack other countries because they want to take something from them. Be it land, people or natural resources. Thus, most of the time, a bomb is the last resort. The last resort they may not always be willing to use. So we must still fight. Nuclear weapons are more of a symbol to depict a threat, but one that is not very likely to be utilised due to the excessively harmful effects on the environment as well as the lack of benefits it brings. At least that is what I feel about nuclear weapons. Whether it is true or not, I hope I will not have to find out.

“We have no need of anything; life at the press of a button”

In all honesty, I agree. We do not need anything. Many things are automated and many more in the future. However, just because we have no need for anything does not mean that there is nothing in this world for us to do. We have many things we can do if we only wish for it and act on it. Not everything can be automated. Even if they can be, that does not mean you cannot do it as they used to in the old days.

All technology provides, is another option.

– K.A.L.T

IMG_20181027_120201_228.jpg