Blaming Yourself

Image from Pixabay

Last week, I talked about how futile it is to blame others and to simply focus on what you can do. However, I did not mean to say that one should blame themselves for everything. There are undoubtedly things that are out of our control. While there is a possibility that we could have prevented certain unfortunate failures, it is simply impossible for us to predict everything that could go wrong.

Sometimes, we just have to understand that some things were inevitable or even if they were not, they are events that have passed. All we can do is learn from those mistakes and try not to repeat them. Although, it is not uncommon for people to repeat their mistakes over and over again. After all, change is not as simple at various main characters in entertainment mediums make it out to be. Or at least, I do not believe that it is something so simple and easy to accomplish.

To be able to analyse one’s own faults and weaknesses without letting it prevent you from moving forward is definitely not an easy task. In fact, it’s something that I struggle with a lot. Many times, I find myself simply accepting all my flaws like people tend to tell us nowadays and find it easy to identify myself as worthless and insignificant.

Image from Pixabay

After all, if we are forced to look at the “bigger picture”, we are bound to feel a sense of how small we are compared to the size of the world. We aren’t like anime characters who bravely stand up to the world due to their personal convictions and beliefs. We aren’t so rebellious as to go out of our way to destroy and go against the system that has been laid out in front of us. Or at least, I am not. Perhaps there are many out there. Many people trying to change the world, believing that they can change the world. Perhaps, people who have already changed the world. If you think about it, there are definitely people like that… Just, not me.

I know for a fact that to stand up to the world and inspire change isn’t something that I can do. Why? I don’t have the mental aptitude for that. I don’t have the commitment, willingness or passion to do such a thing. Thus, I will forever be my very worst enemy… Except that I have accepted this self of mine.

I’m sure you can guys can see what I’m talking about, can’t you? Realising your weaknesses and blaming yourself isn’t enough. People should learn from people like me, what not to do. Basically, don’t bring yourself down just to live at rock bottom your whole life. Blaming yourself for everything without doing anything will solve nothing. It will only make you feel worse. Not only that, the people around you who care for you would start to worry for you as well. When you are dejected and blaming yourself for faults that those around you may not even be able to see, those who care for you would likely feel at a loss as to what they should do.

Of course, I’m not one to tell anyone how to live. Each and every person should decide whatever they want to do with their lives and take responsibility for it.

That’s all there is to it.

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6 replies »

  1. Why do your words remind me so much of the thoughts in my head. That’s a rhetorical question obviously. I don’t exactly remember since when I started to believe that my opinions aren’t worth much and my existence or non-existence per se won’t make a difference. But I carry these beliefs inside me every day. I believe that I’m easily forgettable. And my thoughts, like you, keep running in circles as anyone can see by the fact that I keep on repeating the same meaning using different words. Frankly I started writing because I thought maybe I’ll come up with something inspiring to say but I’m not cut up for that stuff. But reading your posts does make me feel less alone. So I’m grateful for that. So please if possible, don’t stop writing. Even if you are losing interest, look for it, come back and write here or anywhere. Maybe blaming ourselves and thinking we’re worthless is a common sentiment very few of us share. But I do feel even if we’re not as important as some of the people, our written words may impact somebody. Maybe?

    And you probably don’t remember me not replying to our last conversation but I do, and I’m sorry. I got in a really bad space and that’s the kind of lame excuse I’m giving everybody for not being myself.

    Liked by 1 person

    • To be frank, I’m in a real slump as my thoughts can no longer go as far or deep as they used to. Whenever I think of something, my newfound laziness prevents me from even thinking about it any further. Somewhere inside me I’ve come to believe that whatever thoughts I may have, they are but meaningless ramblings of someone who has yet to even experience most of what this world has to offer. I’m confined to my own small little world due to my many insecurities and fear of leaving my comfort zone. However, if I can ever bring myself to write again, I promise you that I will. Just knowing that even one person desires me to write more gives me a sense of satisfaction and reason. A reason that I very much needed.

      Do not worry about not replying to our last conversation. As you guessed, unfortunately, I cannot recall our last conversation for it has been far too long. However, no conversation can go on forever, thus, you should not worry yourself over something like that. Every conversation has an end, but nothing prevents us from starting a new one as you have just done.

      Note: I apologise if the way of my writing is a bit too formal or different from usual. I’m easily influenced by media and before this I was just watching an anime titled “Fate/Zero” and one of the characters I’ve taken a liking to speaks in a manner similar to this. Hopefully, you are not too troubled by this style of writing/expression. Also, I want to thank you for commenting on my website that has been silent for far too long. I hope you are doing well. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Maybe your mind just needs a break from all the thinking you’ve done? What you’re calling laziness, might just be your body’s way of telling you that it needs some rest? I surely don’t think your thoughts are meaningless. If anything they’re one of the most relatable ones I’ve ever read. They’re raw, honest and unapologetic.

        In my opinion, experience is kind of overrated anyway. I’ve seen people in their 50s who have maturity levels equal to that of a teenager and I’ve also met kids who already behave and think too much like adults. So the belief systems and thinking patterns must be dependent on the circumstances a person is born into. Maybe some of us confine ourselves to our own little worlds because we realise the fact that bigger world can be awfully a lot to handle? Idk. I’m just blabbering. That’s really good to hear. I’m hoping you’ll get back to writing as soon as you can.

        Also thanks for saying that. I am a person who fixates on things like these. Like I know people don’t remember everything but I do most of the times. It’s a literal inconvenience on a daily basis.

        Do not apologise for sounding different. We cannot be the same on all the days anyway. I totally get being influenced by media. I myself become the characters I relate to or want to be more like. Basically I don’t even think I have something an original personality. I’m nothing but a culmination of character traits I picked up from TV series I watch and novels I read. So yeah. I get you on this front. Hahaha. I hope I’m doing well too.

        Also I loved your story. And I’m going to read it again. *_*

        Like

      • I assure you that I’ve had more than enough rest haha ^^” I’ve been idling for quite some time already… Anyways, I’m glad that you enjoy my writing 🙂 Though if I’m to be completely honest, I don’t remember most of the things I have written about so I apologise in advance if I repeat myself sometimes.

        Well, I would not say that experience is overrated but I have to admit that experience is not and cannot be the solution to everything as while we often do face the same problems over and over, we are bound to be faced with new and greater challenges as we continue living in this ever-changing world. Also, no matter how much experience one has, it means nothing if they cannot properly harness that knowledge and adapt it to the current world. Like you say, the belief systems and thinking patterns are unique to each individual due to the different environments in which they grew up in. This most likely affects how one chooses to use their experience, if at all.

        Honestly, if not for the fact that the world is difficult to handle, I doubt most of us would be hiding away in our own little worlds. We hide inside our little worlds and claim it to be reality while never looking past that. It may be fine for now, but I fear how the future will most likely tear away at my little confined world I’ve trapped myself into and plunge me into the unknown which I am still much too unprepared to face.

        Well, I’m glad my words helped and hopefully, I should be posting again soon 🙂

        Haha thanks for that last part too, it’s comforting to know that there are others who also feel that way. I always did feel like I’m constantly changing depending on the characters in the shows I watch and sometimes feel empty as a result. I mean, to be able to so easily conform to a new character each time I take a liking to one makes me as a person feel rather superficial. Recently though, I began to think that if I can be influenced by it, it simply means I agree with it. With each trait that I “borrow” from a character, the more pieces I am to getting to fill the puzzle of who I am exactly.

        Really happy that you liked my story so much! XD

        Like

      • “Usually, we walk around constantly believing ourselves. “I’m okay,” we say. “I’m all right.” But sometimes the truth arrives on you, and you can’t get it off. That’s when you realize that sometimes it isn’t even an answer—it’s a question. Even now, I wonder how much of my life is convinced.”

        – When I found this quote in a book I thought of how much it relates to this conversation and also sort of explains why I indulge in fictional world so much. I want to feel okay, I want to believe that everything’s going to turn out fine. I don’t know why I still have this ridiculous hope inside of me but yes, I do have it and a huge part of me likes carrying it. So probably that’s what makes literature so special for me I guess. In alternate world, I’m offered a choice which this life snatches away from us at every step. I can read novels, short stories, poetry, and anecdotes or I can watch movies, TV series, documentaries, mockumentaries, or anime. Why would I ever give all this up when the best part of my day is usually me laughing at jokes of my favorite comic on YouTube.

        So what I’m trying to say is that I used to feel guilty about hiding from reality until a while ago (when I was writing my last comment to be exact). But now, I’m pretty chilled about this tactic. Life sucks. It’s mostly meaningless so we might as well do whatever the hell we want to do with it. Surviving in this stupid world is an achievement in its own right. Let’s not beat ourselves up over how we choose to do it.

        I’m sorry if my reply seems too impromptu or informal. I’ve been having a rough couple of days and also just watched a new episode of my favourite show, Supernatural. So currently I’m pissed off at its writers. If this response seems heartless to you? Blame spn writers. Believe me, they deserve it.

        Take breaks as long as you want. Take as many breaks as you want. But just keep coming back okay? Okay.

        I want to talk about experience but like I said, I’m in a complete “nothing makes sense, everything is pointless” kind of mood rn. So I think I’m gonna just skip it. (Sorry if I sound too rude)

        I apologise for any grammar mistakes or anything of that sort. It’s 1 AM here and I’m typing while I’m trying not to sleep. Hope you’re having a good day. Wherever you are!

        Like

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