Oh? A non-anime post?
It’s been awhile hasn’t it? (excluding the Song Lyric Sunday post.)
So of course, like always, I have another flaw that I’m going to write about at length without doing anything about. I guess I’m what you’d call a good example of what you should not do.
Recently, I started a conversation with someone who I gradually came to feel inferior to. Honestly, being a kind person, they were nice and the conversation went okay. However, it reminded me of how easily I tend to compare myself to others even if there is no one around comparing me to others. I often end up looking at others and thinking, “well, I’m definitely not that good.” or “Ah, I could never do that.” or “Wow, they are so much more knowledgeable than me, what if I say something stupid that I thought makes sense but doesn’t?”.
I guess you could say that my habit of comparing myself to others is what allows me to find so many of my flaws.
“Oh wow, he’s making use of the break to work and have financial independence/support his family. Meanwhile, I’m just lazing around at home doing absolutely nothing.”
“Oh wow, he’s learning a new skill that will help him in the future! I started a course on HTML and CSS but stopped after just a few days… I have zero commitment…”
“Oh he can sing so well! I can’t sing and not interested in singing anyway.”
“He’s so good at (so and so) sport. I suck at team sports and an average tennis player at best and have become a lot less fit since I graduated from Junior College (2 years ago).”
“He scored good grades even though he never seemed to really be studying. I guess I just suck at studying.”
Hmm… Well this is turning into a disgusting pity party isn’t it.
I just wanted to make a point that it’s so easy to compare myself to others and see how worthless I am in comparison. In a sense, it is a form of escapism in which I accept that I am lower than others and live in the comfort that I expect less from myself and thus don’t disappoint myself as much as others would be disappointed in me.
Instead of identifying my flaws and trying to overcome them as a proper anime protagonist would (well I’m not an anime protagonist anyway). Or perhaps, changing the flaws in the strengths, I simply accept all my flaws as part of myself do nothing to improve as a person.
I know, I know, “everyone has their own strengths,” right?
Guess I just suck at finding my own strengths as well. Whoops.
Now, why am I talking about all this and even writing a blog post about this anyway? I have absolutely no clue. But I guess, if you guys heard of this detestable way of living you might get disgusted and think to yourself that you don’t want to turn into this sort of person.
So I guess… It’s kind of like a warning?
If you want to support me on… nah screw that, here’s a song titled “Compared Child”. Also, it’s kind of been bothering me but I feel like my writing style has suddenly taken a drastic turn? I don’t know…
Anyways, I know this post is just screaming “ATTENTION SEEKER” but like, even though I said all that, I’m sure I’ll eventually get down to improving myself… right?
Guess only time will tell.