The few regulars who visit my blog are probably familiar with my negative rants that I impulsively post every now and then but this post is a little different… or maybe not.
As I’ve been stuck at home since the announcement of the “circuit breaker” (Singapore’s lock-down equivalent), I haven’t even gone out to buy milk tea or food. Since my parents are home, my mom either cooks or we order in food. Since I’m literally stuck at home 24/7 now, I realised that there is a big difference in not wanting to go out and not being able to go out.
Sure, I may not particularly like going out, but even just making a trip to get food and milk tea is a breath of fresh air. Of course, I’m not saying that I’m dying at home or anything. As usual, I’m easily wasting away my time watching anime, reading manga, playing games (honkai impact 3).
However, that is exactly what scares me.
On the news or social media, people are constantly talking about the disruptions the COVID-19 virus is having on their lifestyles.
For me, it’s just another day at home.
My life has become so routinely lazy that the only major impact the virus has caused that’s within my radar is the delay of seasonal anime, temporary closure of milk tea stores together with McDonalds.
With my parents and my sister now home every day, I’m forced to come face-to-face with the fact that I’m the only one doing absolutely nothing with my life.
Sure, I may simply be waiting for University to start in August but still… before I was released from my mandatory 2 years of military service, I talked big about how I wanted to get a job and learn new skills in the long 10 month break before university.
In the end, I did nothing at all.
Even though I realise all of this and still have 4 months to go before university starts, my drive to do anything is consistently low. All I have in my mind is anime and gaming. Honestly, I feel like I’m pretty far gone.
Right now, I feel like the only things keeping me going in life is my drive to complete more anime and collect more Valkyries and their equipment in Honkai Impact 3.
You can’t hear my tone over text but I’m serious.
I often joke about it but I feel like it might really be true.
Also, with regards to this blog, once my plan expires, I may or may not quit. After all, once university starts I probably won’t have time to continue writing as much as I do now. As it is, I’m also having trouble just posting 3 times a week while other can persevere and dish out content on a daily basis.
Seriously, so many of my actions are all just out of the desire for self-gratification.
This whole blog was made because I wanted my thoughts to be heard, my social media accounts were all created for expressing my thoughts I egoistically thought highly about.
The current me who does everything just to get people’s acknowledgement won’t do.
It’s evident that I’m running away from what I should be doing and doing random things that I want to do yet feel like others would acknowledge me for.
I mean, the whole idea of writing a blog is for self-gratification isn’t it?
Just for the likes and interactions so that you feel like you’re being listened to.
I don’t even really have the knack for writing either. I can’t believe I set up a Ko-fi and expected someone to actually pay me for writing whatever comes to mind. If I couldn’t even get a 10 cents paypal payment as support what made me think I could get 3 dollars which is the minimum amount for Ko-fi?
I never quite feel I can put my thoughts into words especially when it comes to reviewing anime. Perhaps choosing to “review” anime was a mistake.
Should I have remained as a blog that just posts random thoughts?
I really have no clue.
But if I did that, it would be problematic because how often do I have random thoughts nowadays?
All that’s on my mind is anime and my games.
What do you guys live for?
At this point maybe I should try to motivate myself to learn Japanese so I can get a job at Muse or something.