Posted in Inspired by Music, My Thoughts

Huma and Nism: A Dialogue

Music by HaTa.
Original upload here.
English Translation by forgetfulsubs.

I’ll only be using parts of the song to respond to, for the full lyrics either just watch the video or visit forgetfulsubs tumblr.

Please keep in mind that everything I am about to write is just my own personal opinion. No matter how objective a tone I may use, I am simply stating my assumptions and line of thought.

I also want to apologise just in case I misinterpret anything the creator of this song wanted to convey. This is solely my interpretation and opinions.

*Red and Blue text are lyrics from the song.
*Black text are my thoughts.

We should love our neighbours, and conduct ourselves for the sake of the people around us- 

How devout of you. 
Then what should we do if say,  
you could only save one person out of the {two} people before you? 
Which one is your “neighbour” And which one just “a person around you” 
Who should we love and who should we conduct ourselves for? Tell me.

For Whose Sake?
Most of us go about our daily lives trying our best to abide by society’s expectations of us. As if to convince ourselves that we are doing so out of compassion towards others, we say that we are simply being loving and considerate to those around us. However, most of us, not all, are likely only behaving in such a manner to uphold a better image of ourselves. In order to have a more smooth sailing life with less conflict.

If two people were in trouble, your “neighbour” would be the one you are closer to while the “person around you” would be the more distant acquaintance. In the end, humans are selfish and act based on what benefits them the most. We help those we feel need helping more than those that actually need more help. Even if we conduct ourselves for the sake of those around us, that is just to ensure those around us don’t have anything to complain about. To ensure that they do not bother us. On the other hand, we love our neighbour and hold them close to us. They are people who we find much more precious than those people that just so happen to be around us.

In the end, we love those we are comfortable with and conduct ourselves well for our own sake. Everything we do is based on our own desires. However, society loves those who are compassionate, so we disguise our desires with a mask of “compassion”. After all, no matter the intent, if it leads to a positive outcome, is there really any harm?

Live as if you were to die tomorrow, a life without regrets 

What an admirable way of thinking. 
But let’s say you really do die tomorrow 
Who is left to feel “I sure used my life well” 
Or “I have so many regrets left”? 
I think not, therefore I am not. 
Where is the “I”  Who looks back to retrospect?

No Regrets (In Death?)
It’s common for us humans who have a limited time on earth to want to live a life with no regrets.

Some of us end up so worried that we start to overthink whenever we need to make a decision. Will I regret missing this opportunity? Will I regret taking this risk? We end up stressing over every little thing because we want to make sure we live a life with no regrets. As a result, we end up delaying our decisions and put ourselves into a tight spot. In the end, we regret not making our decisions faster.

Another group of people would start to think less and follow their hearts or instinct. They want to make sure that they do not restrain themselves from living their life to the fullest, doing what they want to do. Along the way, they may make mistakes. Thus, they are as prone to feeling regret.

However, none of this really matters. Having regrets in life is as natural as can be. We just have to accept that we made mistakes along the way or perhaps have not done as much as we should have. Even if we die before accomplishing or doing what we wanted to or should have done, in death, will we really have the energy or conscious mind to think so much?

Death could come quicker than your regrets can catch up to.

By selling off the anxiety called “freedom” 
can I buy the peace of mind called “limits”?

So many people yearn for freedom.

Having greater freedom means having more possibilities laid out in front of us. Yet, when people are faced with an overwhelming number of choices to choose from, they begin to crumble under stress. Why? Greater possibilities mean that when you end up choosing one option, you forgo a larger number of potentially more beneficial opportunities.

We fret so much over making the “right” decision so as to not regret anything that we end up getting exasperated. We are left, with a whole lot of unnecessary stress. Stress that could have been avoided if we just had fewer options to choose from from the start. Or perhaps, no option at all.

To know yourself, is to know your limits.

With the knowledge of our own abilities, we can narrow down the overwhelming number of possible futures. After all, the freedom we desire is likely just the freedom to choose the things we want. It is not absolute freedom of choice we want.

However, to be able to choose what we want, we have to acquire the necessary power.

If we continually push ourselves to overcome our limits in hopes of getting what we want, the number of things we can do would increase as well. As a result, our responsibilities would increase. I don’t know about the majority, but personally, I dislike having more responsibilities.

To escape from that, personally, I would much rather settle to do mundane and straightforward tasks which I can easily manage rather than something I may prefer to do but carries other “terms and conditions”.

Perhaps most of you are more respectable than that and would rather be competent individuals. Competent enough to contribute to society in ways in which you can be passionate about…

Despite all the stress and anxiety that would be borne from expectations placed on you by others or yourself due to your natural or hard-earned skills and ability.

Most of the things that look wholesome and innocent 
Are bums who have merely cleaned up their outer appearance

False Innocence
It is common to see people talking about putting on masks for others. In Japan, there is a belief that humans have three faces.

“The first face, you show to the world. The second face, you show to your close friends and your family. The third face, you never show anyone.”

In society, there are strict rules that define what is normal, acceptable and what is unacceptable. As we go through life, most of the people who we come across appear to be normal and innocent on the outside.

However, do you honestly believe that all of them are truly innocent?

Almost anything goes as long as you appear to be a decent and “innocent” human being on the surface. What most people in today’s society have is not purity or innocence. What they have are discipline and brains. Discipline to keep what is socially unacceptable or inappropriate as fantasies and nothing more. Brains to hide their twisted ways of thinking by appearing to be acting for the benefits of others when they are only trying to gain something for themselves.

Perhaps, there are some truly pure and innocent people in this world. However, I believe that most of what we see is feigned innocence. There are only two major types of people. Those who feel guilty and those who do not. Is it wrong though? I don’t think so.

As humans, we are naturally flawed. As long as we can go about our daily lives hiding our flaws so as to not disrupt society, everything is fine. As long as we do not try to push our beliefs on others through violence or any socially unacceptable means, everything is okay… in my opinion at least.

Just what the heck am I anyway? 
Constantly searching for my “self” 

What a praiseworthy thing indeed. 
So you say you’re looking for yourself 
But does that mean you lost it somewhere or something? 
Is the self a ready-made product you can buy? 
*is your “self” an ‘object’ to search for? Or a ‘person’ you’ve made yourself?

“Self” – Pre-existing or A New Creation?
Our “self” is not fixed. It is an ever-changing “object” that gets beaten into different shapes and sizes by external factors. At the same time, it is something that continually changes its material due to internal changes.

As we go through life, our values and ideals are continually being challenged. We take in the information around us and interpret it in our own unique ways. We decide based on the information given to us and our personal gut feel or rationalisation. What is right? What is wrong? We reach our own subjective answers and utilise our beliefs to continually create a new sense of “self”.

However, if we fail to reach our own answers, our “selves” remain fluid. We change according to the environment. In other words, depending on the people we are talking to and the situation we are in, we alter who we are to fit the atmosphere.

In the end, our “self” is not something that needs to be found or created (at least not from scratch). Our “self” is something elusive and hard to grasp because it is continually changing. The moment we think we have grasped who we are, we begin to change again. Our understanding of our “self” is thus, unstable and unreliable.

just like the kanji for person: “人” 
We live supporting each other 
And through that mutual helping 
We discover love for another

Just like the kanji for person: 人 
If you lean a little too much 
When your support is removed 
You’ll find you can no longer stand on your own two feet

Support Is Not Always Helpful
“No one can live alone.”
“We all need to help each other out to make up for each other’s weaknesses.”

I’m sure we have all heard something along those lines before. However, as great as it would be for everyone to help each other out equally. There is no doubt in my mind that more often than not, one person will be more of a burden than the other. One person would end up carrying a heavier weight than the other.

As much as society values compassionate people as mentioned earlier, providing too much support for others can result in over-dependence.

As much as society values teamwork, not many teams work in such a way that you can notice any sort of “teamwork”.

Providing support for others and being there for them in their time of need is definitely not wrong. However, just like everything else, supporting others too much can lead to their downfall. We need to know when to give others their own space so that they can grow on their own. 

Sometimes, I catch myself relying too much on others when they are so readily available. Those around me who are trying to be kind and caring end up spoiling me to the point that I am unable to think or act for myself. I end up assuming that there will always be people to help me…

I’m sure most of you know how wrong of an assumption that is.

To learn to live alone without the support of others is critical. It is nice to have a friend’s support every once in a while, especially for things you really cannot do. However, we must not forget the fact that as individuals, we need to be competent enough to survive on our own because there will definitely be many points in life in which we have to fight our own battles alone.

Holding onto inferiority, with a thunderous noise–
Look at you saying you’ve got no worth, 
It’s not something to feel bad about 
Merely being made into this world is a wonderful thing

Rambling away without looking at people’s “actions” 
Praising their “existence” blah blah blah 
Speak to me using the value of the fruits 
That were borne from your tree

Is Our Existence Truly Beautiful?
People often talk about how life is so wonderful and we should make the most of it. Optimists go on to talk about how life has so much in store for us and we will only get to enjoy them if we continue to live through life with a healthy mindset. However, could they really say that if they were lacking in all things required to live in society?

What if they lacked intelligence, athletic ability, social skills and interest in anything?

Would they still be able to go on happily through life despite feeling worthless compared to everyone else around them? Would they be able to handle the absolute sense of inferiority?

Would they… resort to comparing themselves to people who have it worse than them just to make themselves feel better?

Would such a life, such an existence… truly be beautiful?

That’s merely a delay before the meaning that chains on to infinity 
Infinite regress, circular reasoning, the untouched truth and illogical anxiety 
Why is there something rather than nothing? 
The limits of my vocabulary signify the limits of my world

This part of the dialogue breeds more questions than answers. Whenever it comes to existence, it’s beauty and meaning, my mind goes into a mess. I cannot explain anything clearly. Hopefully one day, I’ll be able to write a coherent post about my thoughts on existence…

Listen, there’s no meaning to this world 
If you want to find your ‘self’ so badly 
Then you’ve gotta give it your own meaning

Perhaps, our existence in itself is not truly beautiful. What is beautiful is how we struggle to make our existence mean something. It is said that humans are unable to see the world as it is. The world each individual sees is different due to their own unique perceptions.

Our existence is only as beautiful as we believe it to be. What we perceive is our own reality after all. If we see the work of humans on earth as meaningless and ugly, our existence is not beautiful. If we see every experience as a chance to grow and contribute to our society in a meaningful way, our existence is beautiful.

The world is so very empty by itself. We have to give meaning to everything we do ourselves, through our own perceptions. We need to find what we want to do and convince ourselves that it is meaningful…

Just as I have convinced myself that it is meaningful to share my thoughts through writing even if others may think otherwise.

Picture Taken from Pixabay
Edited By me with Phonto

That is all I’ll be commenting on for this song. To be completely honest, it was a lot more draining to write than I anticipated. Still, it was fun doing this. Especially since I love the song so much.

Would you guys like to see more posts like this where I break down the song and comment my thoughts on what the lyrics make me think of?

Leave your thoughts in the comments below. 🙂

Note: All personal updates are on Twitter, if you have an account please follow me @kaltinthought.

Posted in Inspired By Life, Inspired by Music, My Thoughts

Empty, Detached… Incomplete

First, I just want to apologise in case this post is not very well written.

I’m just trying to grasp the right words to describe something I cannot very well feel or understand after all…

For someone who laughs and talks a lot of nonsense with those around me on a day to day basis, the silence kills me. Especially when there is silence both around me and within me.

Often times, I talk and act however I want yet nothing really makes me feel anything deeply. As a result, I often forget what happened soon after. Basically, my memory is crap for those things that I do not care about, and I do not care about a lot of things. I do not care about so many things that honestly, that’s most likely why I feel so empty. I have nothing I genuinely care about to share and discuss with others so I feel detached from them.

I’m nothing but another incomplete person, wandering through my daily life trying to figure out why I exist. Sharing my thoughts online in hopes of being recognised. In hopes of having my existence recognised through my thoughts I shared.

An attention seeker? Maybe.

Someone trying to solve an inferiority complex? Maybe.

Perhaps someone who has a superiority complex when it comes to his thoughts compared to others? Maybe.

I honestly do not know my true intentions of whatever I do.

I say I enjoy writing but honestly… I just write.

I don’t particularly feel much.

I don’t particularly think much.

I just… write…

The same way I’m just living… living till the day I die…

Or maybe… I’m simply just existing…

As nothing but an empty shell pretending to be more than it is.

– K.A.L.T

As you guys know from my earlier post, today I just cannot seem to find the right words to describe what I feel at the moment. Thus, I listened to some songs and gained enough inspiration to write this.

This post was heavily inspired by the first three songs of the playlist below…