Posted in Inspired By Book, Inspired By Life, My Thoughts

My “Selves”

As I was writing about how empty I felt on Friday and just so happened to read the second chapter of “Existentialism: All That Matters” (yes I still am only at the second chapter), I was prompted to write about what makes my “self”.

The two major selves of mine (that can also be further broken down) are my online persona and real-life persona.

My online persona: An ever-serious personality that talks about things with only a hint of emotion or feeling. Or at least, not excessively emotional.

I’m able to achieve this because as I type, I feel like I’ve distanced myself from all the complicated emotions I cannot comprehend and am dedicating all my focus into producing a piece of writing that describes my thoughts as accurately as possible. I feel less, think more and thus write. However, simply because I’m thinking a lot and trying to be objective, does it make it in any way, closer to the truth?

“Reflection on one’s own life – on what matters most – requires not cool detachment but passion. Moreover, all such reflection necessarily confronts objective uncertainty.”
– David Cerbone (Existentialism: All that Matters – Chapter 2)

From this, I would assume that I cannot simply empty myself out and try to judge myself without emotion or feeling. I need to have a certain amount of substance and passion to truly delve into my “sea of selves”. If I’m too detached, all I’d see is the surface. Nothing below it, nothing more. Thus, I hope that moving forward, my writing will have a little more emotion and feeling in them, a feeling of who I am. Not excessive, but just enough to make my post more… substantial.

My real-life persona: Always changing, sometimes emotional, sometimes apathetic and empty. Simply put, difficult to comprehend. Even for myself.

Perhaps, as some have made me take into consideration, I am constantly filled with emotions. Sometimes I can comprehend them and thus I feel like I’m being very emotional. Other times, I cannot comprehend them in the slightest and thus deem myself as feeling empty and emotionless. There could even be times whereby I’m overwhelmed with a variety of emotions and thoughts within me at the same time and feel conflicted. I feel as though I have so many different “selves” without realising that they are all part of the same person. Me.

Since I’m typing all this out, it seems like I more or less understand myself. However, I’m simply in a mood to write something like this about myself at this moment. Depending on when I write and what I’m feeling, I’m sure that I could have written something completely different to describe myself.

They say that if you ask 10 different people the same question, you’ll get 10 different answers. However, it would seem that you only need to ask me the same question in a different time to make me give a different answer.

In a sense, my “self” is ever changing. As time goes on, the me you see is different from the previous one. No matter how short or long the time gap is, you cannot see the same me twice. The same thoughts would likely never come round again. This is likely the root of my concern that I’m not being genuine with those around me. I constantly feel like I’m lying to them and being dishonest about myself. No matter how I attempt to describe myself to others, even if I’m trying to be honest, I turn out to be someone completely different. It’s as though I reject the idea of others knowing of my “true self” that I purposefully change it the moment others know what my current “true self” is like.

This is me, writing about myself today.

I wonder how different I will be tomorrow?

Or perhaps having written that I’ll be different the moment I reveal myself, I’ll choose to remain the same instead.

As mentioned in the quote way up above, I’m inevitably confronted with objective uncertainty as to what my self, my existence truly is.

In the end, maybe as Kierkegaard was possibly trying to say, is that the truth about existence is subjectivity (a possibility brought up by David Cerbone).

The truth about my “self”, is that it is in its very essence, subjective.

– K.A.L.T

myselves


I know I didn’t really describe my “self” much but honestly, this is the best I can do at the moment. Perhaps in a different time, I’ll be able to share more about myself, if any of you are interested of course.

If you are interested in getting the book “Existentialism: All that matters” by David Cerbone, simply click here.

Posted in Inspired By Book, My Thoughts

Existentialism: A Good Decision is Subjective

bad decisions

I recently borrowed a book titled “Existentialism: All that matters” by David Cerbone. In the second chapter of the book, he explains that in there is no objective “right” answer for our decisions. While we would often think that our feelings and emotions get in the way of making better decisions, it could actually be the opposite. Without our own personal bias and preferences, the decisions we make may result in a better result from the perspective of others. However, it would not be for our own personal benefit as it does not satisfy our personal desires.

Without taking into account what one truly desires, attempting to make an objectively better decision is simply doing things for the sake of the “bigger picture”. However, in existentialism, there is no “bigger picture”. There is no greater meaning in this world. Thus, the truth is that we have to figure out what is meaningful from our own perspective. What we feel is best for ourselves, is likely best for ourselves. In other words, the best decision to make is subjective. Subjective to the desires of the one making the decision. Others have no right to tell us what we think is right for ourselves.

When I was studying in school, I always thought to myself, “why must I be so disinterested in all of these subjects? Why doesn’t anything here interest me?” Despite such thoughts, I continued to study hard. I thought that I needed to be more objective. Studying is essential to get good grades to help us get jobs in the future. I cannot let myself be overcome by laziness or personal disinterest in the tasks set out for me to accomplish. I need to become a productive member of society and give back for what has been given to me. I cannot be selfish.

However, these very thoughts are what prevented me from trying to find something that I could actually do passionately to the best of my abilities. Something I could enjoy doing while helping myself find a plausible goal in life. I never thought of what I really wanted to do until I ended up having time to relax at home on weekends and not worry about anything since enlistment into the army (since it is mandatory for 2 years). With so much free time over the weekends, I could search for and discover something that means something to me. For the first time, I found something I wanted to do. Write.

Even if we make “mistakes”. Even if we make decisions that we regret later on, we were simply acting on what we believe is right. If we feel the despair and regret of committing to a certain action, our feelings would shift to desire something else. Just because we do not like the consequences of the decisions we made does not necessarily mean that things would have been better if we made a different choice. We simply do not know such things due to the fact that every choice is a one-time thing. As we experience grief due to our decisions, we learn from them. There is nothing wrong. We would not know if it was truly a bad decision for us until we try for ourselves. I mean, just because someone says that doing what you desire to do is a bad idea or something you would regret, he is only saying it from his perspective. Or at the most, based on what he thinks he knows about you.

There is no such thing as a bad decision if you follow your own desires and follow through. The only bad decision would be to not follow your desires. To dwell on what you want to be but never taking action. Or to dwell on your weaknesses and hating yourself without doing anything about it. Those are the only two decisions, that would never lead to anything good.

– K.A.L.T


Since my previous post was about the existence of a right or wrong answer, I decided this post would be a good follow-up.

If you are interested, you can get Existentialism: All That Matters from BookDepository. Simply click here.


Do you think that decisions on what to do in your life are subjective or objective? Is there a goal that each individual should strive for that is already set in stone due to unchangeable facts? Or do you agree that the best decision is one that the person is content with? Comment your thoughts below. 🙂